All This And More

I'm a glutton for punishment. We're broke up. We really are. We are friends. Best friends. But it makes things weird right now.  I have my addictions. Food is one. The other is feeling wanted. 

I'm contemplating moving after graduation. I graduate on May 16th. Less than a month. But I have criteria. Must be near a M.A.D.E. league. Must be somewhere that I can actually picture myself living, so not like Texas or Utah. I dunno. I feel like things are going to be horrible instead of awesome.

Is it supposed to be like this? I don't know. I've never been at this point in life, ever, cause how could I have been? I'll be 38 this year. I can't really grasp it. When you are in your teens and 20s you can't imagine that by the time you're almost 40 you still won't know what you want from life. I mean, I know what I want to do with bits and pieces of it. I know that I love reffing roller derby. I love making art in one form or another. I know that deep in my heart the Pagan path was the right one for me.

I'm pretty sure I never want to be married again. I'm pretty sure I want to always work with something in non-profit. I'm pretty sure giving up smoking was a good idea.

I think.

I dunno. I'm unsure a lot. Like, teenager unsure. Like, about 85% of the time. Just keeping it real ya'll. I watch Louis C.K. and want to yell "HOW AM I THE FEMALE VERSION OF YOU?"

Found on Google...

Today I ate: veggie pot pie, vegan cookie, sushi, miso soup, cheesecake filling, spicy bbq chips, coffee with half & half

Today I bought: snacks, cereal

Derby Days Are Here Again!

Have I mentioned I referee roller derby?  I'm sure I have *nudge nudge wink wink*.  I know I didn't post nearly enough in February...but between school and scrimmages...I've been swamped.  I've got a paper due in two weeks, will have 2 midterms that same week.  Then one more class added in the last 8 weeks. THEN GRADUATION!!!

But enough about that.  Derby.  Blood, sweat, tears, bruises, twists, breaks.  Derby.  This past weekend I reffed 5 bouts in less than 24 hours.  It would have been more but I hurt my ankle and knee after being way-layed by skaters in two different games. I got nothing on our head ref though, he now has THEE prettiest eggplant colored bruise that covers the majority of a butt cheek and partial thigh.  He was way-layed by skaters twice in the SAME bout and then by a chair in another.  In his defense, he was skating backwards..show-off!

Friday night's two bouts were for the Blacksnake Roller Girls in St. Joseph, MO.  It's my hometown, my papa and one of my four sisters showed up.  It was awesome to see them and great to get some time on skates before Saturday.

My Dad, Me and sis, Emily!

Saturday was opening day for Fountain City Roller Derby!!!  FIVE bouts at Hale Arena in Kansas City!  All of our teams played, concluding with a bout against Benton County Roller Derby from Arkansas!  As refs, we play every jam. No rest except for between periods and half-time.  So on a day with five bouts, it was kinda silly to ref two the night before, but I love it.  And FCRD loves us.  A special Zebra Den was put together for us with water, snacks and chairs.  It was glorious.

Thanks FCRD for the pic.

Oh look, you can see some of us arriving for our long day.  I spy One Hit Thunder, Aaron Grievances, Bitter Sweets, me and Hellbilly Delux.  I also think I spy Mr Roboto...

Thanks FCRD for the pic!

Today I ate a chocolate chip scone, coffee, PB&J sandwich, grapefruit, apple, cherry tomatoes, pumpkin chocolate chip muffin, Spicy Indian vegan burgers on bread.

Today I bought nothing (but I've bought so many other things since the last post: various subscription boxes, tent, air mattress, new derby pads, sweaters, shoes).

Indian Food Cures Almost Anything...

Except feeling depressed.  So strange how that can creep up on you.  Possibly take over your life if you can't fight it off.  I've been lucky up to now..I can keep it at bay for the most part. I know the spiel.  I have a job and a place to live and plenty to eat (too much).  I have no reason to be depressed. I have a boyfriend.  I play roller derby with a lot of awesome people.  I have a circle with whom I practice my spiritual beliefs.

My job is alright but I would like one that didn't expect me to work 90+ hours every two weeks.  Yeah, my salary may be the equivalent of just over 2x mimimum wage, but once you factor in all the extra hours and then take out my deductions (taxes and minimal insurances) I bring home just about minimum wage.  As I say repeatedly, I work to live, not vice versa. I'm looking for other work..just can't find it yet.  Guess it's a good thing I graduate in May and will finally have a Bachelors.  Let's hope that helps. 

I recently moved out from having lived with my boyfriend for the last 3.5 years.  We didn't break up, though I'm not sure that's off the table.  I hope it is.

My circle is awesome.  We celebrate all the sabbats,(you can see some here) but any other get together type stuff usually happens when I'm at work.

Roller derby is back up and going after a month long hiatus, but I haven't made it back to practice..

I went out for Indian buffet today at Swagat.  I only had one plate though.  Not a lot I wanted to eat.

Today I ate one plate at the Indian buffet, a sleeve of cinnamon graham crackers with milk, some spicy banana chips, four scrambled eggs with cheese and a 12oz bottle of Natural Brew draft root beer.

Today I bought...well...see for yourself

Insomnia or just too much caffeine?

I was up all night.  No, really. I went to bed about 6 am.  Of course I could hear the neighbors downstairs until at least 2:30 am, but it was just normal friends gathering.  I can't begrudge him that.  I gauge him to be in his twenties.  I was always at friends apartments having a great, but loud, time at that age.  And at least I wasn't asleep and woken by his loud, drunken threats to "KILL" someone he was on the phone with.  I put a desk together, I put my new bearings in my wheels.  I also finished all the Criminal Minds that Netflix had to offer.

Did I mention I'm going to start at least two podcasts?  One about roller derby and another about Paganism.  I even bought a domain for the derby one...jblockoclock.com - A. came up with the name for it - J-Block O'Clock.  That's probably because I'm always j-blocking him in the store.  It's a good name, catchy.  I haven't really found one that talks specifically about M.A.D.E rule-set.  If you've seen Whip It, that's not how we play.  And if you have images of GLOW on skates, you are mistaken. I'm a ref for the Fountain City Roller Derby in Kansas City.  I love it and everyone in it.  I'm in the middle.  Trixie Horror.  On my left is Moriartease (Or as she is now called, Bitter Sweets)  and on my right is Noah Clue.  I love those girls.

Thanks to KC Carr for the pic!

Today I ate half a 12" vegan pizza & garlic cheese bread from Waldo Pizza, 2/3 of a regular banana-peanut butter concrete from Sheridans and some root beer.  I'm sure there will be more later.

Today I bought a new Roku, some lamps, some light bulbs.