I'm Not Sure They're Addictions

If addicting behaviour is pre-determined based on genetics, then I'm sure I could be.  I just don't feel like I am because I can NOT eat everything or buy everything.  That's what I like to do though. I can't even remember what I bought today, but I know I bought something.  I didn't even need whatever it was...oh yeah, it was bowls and saki cups from this awesome store called Yoki that sells Japanese items.  I didn't need those things. Last week I ate a whole cheesecake over a couple of days. I didn't go to practice at all for the last two weeks. I feel like Murtaugh from the Lethal Weapon movies, you know, "I'm too old for this shit."  

I'm fucking 37! (In a row!)  Yet, I still feel like a teenager with no direction in life.  I thought by this point I was supposed to have this great freeing epiphany.  The whole, "I'm almost 40 and adulting like I should and I approach everything with logic and brains instead of heart and emotion." I was also supposed to have an idea of what I want to do for a career.  I'm just now finishing my BA in Liberal Arts (I've changed my major so much, it's all I could do to used my credits). I used student loans to supplement my income, for the majority of them I needed it because my ex kept quitting jobs.  These last few, the extra helped pay off some credit.  I 'know' what I should be doing and why, I just don't quite make it there.

Today, I only had some pizza and breadsticks. It was a long day.