All About the Zeebsss

This is just a shorty short post. I wanted to show off my reffin' Zebra crew!!  Fountain City Roller Derby 2015 is ready for action.

Thanks to Kate Wood Raclin for the pic!

My fellow skater, Uniscorn, and I were reffing a scrimmage last night.  She is also the awesome photographer that took all of team pics.  This is her with me, below, in a pic taken by another fantastic photographer, Heith Carnahan.  

Uniscorn and Trixie

Well, I'm tired.  Two scrimmages in as many nights and tomorrow I go make sure everything is squared away so I can graduate in May (finally).


Today I ate cereal, coffee, carrots, Boca sausage with Daiya cheese on biscuits.

Today I bought nothing.

Ooh, Time to Start the Podcasts!

Podcasts!  I love them.  I don't get to listen as often as I like because I'm the kind of person that needs to pay attention to them.  I remember when I got my first iPhone, wayyyyy back in 2009, it was refurbished 3G and it was awesome!  It took me a bit to get used to it.  I remember going through iTunes and looking at these 'podcasts' I had been hearing about.  One of the first I subscribed to was Nerdist (this would be spring of 2010 for all the time nazis).  Yeah, with Chris Hardwick from MTV's Singled Out.  Then it seemed like it would be my cup of tea, now it's a mega empire of awesome podcasts covering everything you can imagine almost.  My favorite is the Thrilling Adventure Hour.

It only falls to course that I would like to do one myself..so I am.  I hope to start at least two.  The first will be about roller derby.  Of course.  Specifically here in Kansas City, and with my beloved friend and Wolfie, Bitter Sweets! Check out her awesome derby blog HERE. She has some great ideas to start with and I hope to have special guests who don't mind talking about themselves and their derby paths.

Trixie and Bitter Sweets!

The next one I hope to start soon will revolve around Paganism, again starting out specifically around Kansas City area peeps and activities and hopefully evolving into more of Pagan community based endeavor.

There seems to be a lot of things to consider when jumping into something like this.  I've got the first step down: I have a microphone! (oh and ideas of what I want to talk about).

A. wants to produce, which is awesome because he is very interested in that side of it.  Things I never thought about like sound quality, mixing equipment, space, sponsors, etc.  We were actually talking about it this morning and after listening to him talk about various technical items, as well many podcasts I realize, he would have to be a behind the scenes man because he has so much information that is very interesting to him, but that loses me after about 10-15 minutes.  He could probably pull off a podcast about podcasting, but only if he had a co-host to reign him in. It's exciting to have him on board considering all the weirdness with our relationship.

I know I usually end the posts with what I've eaten and bought, but I've actually written this before leaving the house for the day so I haven't done either yet.  Instead I'll leave you with a small list of my favorite podcasts!  Feel free to recommend some to me!

• Irish and Celtic Music Podcast - just what it says!
• Nerdist - pop culture, nerdy, entertainment types
• WTF with Marc Maron - lots of ranting and interviews, been around for.ev.er.
• Roderick on the Line - Merlin Mann (professional podcaster) and John Roderick (of Long Winters fame) just riff on shit and it's beautiful
• You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me Loose Wheel - very down to earth derby blog, I love reading it and you will to

You Had One Fucking Job

At least that's how I feel a lot of the time.  As a woman, I've grown up with a lot of guilt because my body apparently can't do the one thing it should..make a baby. I struggle with this. A lot.  I get sad, I feel pretty worthless.  Every other Wal-Mart catastrophe can spit out a line of kids like a Pez dispenser, but me? Nope.

I know there are lots of women out there who have gone through the struggle, who have spent WAY more money on trying than I ever have or will.  My story is not one of tens of thousands of dollars going down the (Fallopian) tubes.  My story is about the utter uselessness felt because of how society portrays women as the main caregiver and protector of children.  Our main function, so society-media-propaganda, would have have you believe is to make more humans.  Whether or not you work or anything else, your worth as a woman is based on what you contribute to the world, spawn-wise.

SOME of my nieces and nephews with Grandpa.

For a good chunk of my life all I wanted was to be a mom. I got to be for a little while to my step-son, but making a mini-me is not in my cards.  It's probably just as well.  I can very logically list all the reasons I should be grateful I don't have any kids. I also have MANY nieces and nephews that I can probably borrow if I wanted to have some kids around to do awesome things with like bake yummy goodies, paint pictures, go fun places.  Then I'm the SUPER COOL auntie.

But that worthless feeling is there. Underneath.  So much of the time.  That one basic thing that women do, make life, I can't.  It's almost soul crushing sometimes.


Today I ate: oatmeal, almond milk, cherry tomatoes, cheese & crackers, grapefruit, banana, Boulevard Wheat, nachos, cheesecake.

Today I bought: HSA registration, tent, air mattress, box subscription, Valentine present

Today Was A Great Day

When I started roller derby in 2013, I did not pass my basic skills. I was then, and am still, out of shape to the point that I cannot pass certain skills.  I also am still attending school in addition to working, so I don't have as much time to dedicate to practicing and building my skills.  I am, however, building friendships.  I must apologize now if there are grammatical or spelling errors, I am full of Mothers Lil' Helper, as well as Captain Morgans Spiced Rum and Pepsi. 

There are a group of us who did not pass the skills last year.  We started a group called the Wolf Pack, which is not an official DGD/FCRD group.  We encouraged each other and work towards the goal of passing our skills.

This year we invited any 2014 Fresh Meat who did not pass to join us. 

As you know, I moved recently into my own place.  Tonight, I invited my Wolf Pack over for a night of camaraderie  and Cards Against Humanity.  This forced me to get my ass in gear and put my place together a little better.  So I did. I unpacked a little more and did some decorating.

My altar.

Reading area.

Work space.

We had a great time.  Everyone brought yummies and something to drink.  We had some big fun with the CAH and I'm ready to buy expansion packs and have everyone back.

Wolfies.

I miss them already, now that they are all heading home.  I got to know a few of them better.  I'm glad they are friends and hope they are too.  All I can say about it is "Spaghettisburg Address!"

Today I ate: sofritas burrito, smoothie, part of a veggie cutlet, some veggie pinwheels, Mothers Lil' Helper, Rum & Pepsi.

Today I bought: vitamins, food, Ref dress, book.

I Can See the Resemblance

My Uncle Rodney had piercing blue eyes.  So bright.  Much brighter than my own which tend towards gray more often than blue.  He was the younger brother of my Mamaw (grandma Dorothy) and our family resemblance is undeniable.

Mamaw Dorothy

Me

Uncle Rodney

Uncle Rodney died last week and such as is the fate of those who don't live in the same town, it was not known to me until last night.  My dad forgot to call until he saw three of my sisters at the visitation in the evening.  The funeral was this morning. Luckily, we had enough staff at work that I could leave and made it in time.  I was very glad that I was able to go, but I was sad that I wasn't able to sing for him.  When Mamaw died in 2001, I sang her favorite hymn at the funeral.  Uncle Rodney loved it and made me promise I would sing for him as well.  Unfortunately, due to the circumstances I was not able to.

I haven't seen him except for at mostly funerals since then and the last time was in August at my Aunt's.  He was so frail and wasn't sure who I was.  I didn't know this was because he had Alzheimer's.  My memories of him are of work he did at my grandmother's house..helping my dad put in a water heater; installing a bathroom on the first floor when she couldn't go upstairs easily anymore.  He looked so much like his sister that for awhile it really hurt, as well made me very happy, when I would see him after she died.

Today I ate an apple, cheese stick, coffee, corn casserole, green beans, macaroni salad, brownie, Sofritas burrito, 2 Jamaican ginger ales.

Today I bought a Buffy trade paperback, Laurell K Hamilton book on cd, TARDIS car magnet and a new knee support.

It's All About The Water

My weight has been up and down since I was in middle school.  I had never been a fan of exercise and eating was always good.  I do tend to take after my grandmother on my dad's side, shape-wise.  I'm kind of a block.  It's probably why I love corsets so much, they give me such a nice shape. But there was a time that I was very sad and didn't want to eat...I barely had an ice cream cone every day and I worked in a grocery store.  Regularly I was carrying around 50 and 100 lb bags of flour or rice; I was stocking shelves, always on my feet.  I was getting pretty slim.  Then, when I felt better, I wanted to stay that way.  So, I would throw up.  But that shit hurt!  Until I made sure I drank lots of water. LOTS of water...that made it so much easier..but I really didn't look very healthy.

This is me right after my nephew was born. Right before I got married.  I was 135lb. I was tiny. But then I stopped with the puking.  Harvey Fierstein would be so sad for me...





What I've found out lately..is that water still helps, but because I'm drinking it more often, not as a lubricant.  I've tried many things in my life and I'm still floundering...

Today I ate a falafel and baba ganoush sandwich, french fries, Chipotle Sorfritas burrito and a Barq's root beer.

Today I bought an office chair, silverware, pizza cutter, tee shirt, ankle support.