Bad Company ... And Good Company

Tonight I went to a concert with my brother, Josiah. Our dad bought us tickets and planned on coming too, but he works at a local prison and has worked 10 hour overnights for the last 21 days...needless to say, he was tired.  The concert was Joe Walsh and Bad Company.  Joe Walsh sucked, Bad Company put on a great show.  

I really like Bad Company.  I know all the words to all the songs.  Both my brother and I do, but we should, our step-dad used to blare the albums at home and in the car.  It's a wonder any of us can hear, he liked it loud, especially in the car.  While I was having a good time, for a brief bit I was taken back to those years when I had to deal with my step-dad.

He was a horrible person.  You're not supposed to speak ill of the dead, but when they never did anything but be a shit to everyone, you just can't do otherwise.  My parents split the last day of 3rd grade, I was eight.  My mother moved in with Clarence (Ray) by the end of June.  She had all five of us kids with her at first.  We moved into a 1 bedroom apartment.  He didn't work.  He never held a job longer than a few weeks for the whole time I knew him, 24 years.

Everything revolved around him.  My mother was the one who worked, in crappy convenient store jobs.  I went to live with my dad before school started that fall.  Over the next couple of years, I lived with my mother for a short period of time.  And as a teenager and young adult always made the effort to maintain a relationship. She never tried to see me, didn't come to school events, never picked me up for visitation or holidays. I don't know if her failure to even try was her own personality trait or his influence.  I'll never know.  

Some examples of his awesome awfulness: kids did ALL the housework, stayed outside the rest of the time; since I was always an overweight kid, he suggested I start wearing sack dresses; the one time he had a short term job fixing someone's garage roof and they didn't pay him because the work was shitty, he went on a tirade of racist rants.  He pushed my mother into not letting my dad see my siblings if he was late picking them up, all the while never trying to see or pay child support for the four he had out in the world.

I haven't thought about him in a long time, but tonight, as my brother and I sang along to ALL the Bad Company songs, I was overwhelmed.  Not because of all the horrible memories of things worse than I would ever mention here, but because here I was with my brother, making new, better, memories and enjoying the music.  I had some really good company.

Family

Family means different things to different people. For some it's only biological relations, others it's the friends you meet along the way that become your family.  And sometimes, it starts out as biological relations, disintegrates, and you find them again along the way. 

At the age of nine, my parents split up. My mom took us five kids with her to a tiny one bedroom apartment.  My dad went to my grandma's. 

Two months before the split.

I'm a daddy's girl and after a few months, I went with him. He got full custody of me; my mom got my four younger siblings.  It was not until two years later that I learned that she had the same arrangement for me as my dad for them - every other weekend and every other holiday.  I didn't know, because she never exercised that right.  However, as I grew up she would complain and harass my dad every time he was late picking them up.  A few times I moved in with her and spent a few months with my siblings.  I didn't grow up with them.  In the next few years dad fathered two more boys, marrying one of the mothers, who brought a young daughter into our mix.  I am the oldest of eight in total.

Everybody but me and Everett.

Being 10 years older than my youngest sister and 15 years older than my youngest brother (the only two who lived with me) assured that I would feel almost like an only child.  Over the years, I'd see my siblings, having moved back and forth between parents, but I don't feel like we ever bonded like some siblings do.  Once I was an adult and they started getting older there was a lot of contention between some of us.  To this day we don't talk much.  Usually I see any of them when it's holiday time and mostly because of my 17 nieces and nephews.

I moved to KC again in 2011.  I believe my brother, Josiah, moved here around that time or even before then.  Prior to last year, we hung out maybe once.  He's five years younger than me and a foot taller.  Totally full of Leffler swagger and father to only one of my many nieces. He helped me move a year and a half ago, and I've watched Maddie a couple of times when he was in a pinch.

A few months ago, I was down further than I ever thought I could possibly be.  The only person I really had to talk to was my dad and he was an hour away.  I decided to call my brother and he came right over.  I believe he saved my life that day.  It was that bad.  And since then we hang out, go grab food, watch movies, and just share life.  

Sometimes family doesn't share holidays, they don't call each other on a regular basis or see each other for years.  And sometimes, when you really need them, they are there.  They don't judge you, they let you cry and make your same mistakes because they understand you have to or you won't move on.  Finding my family in my brother has been one of the best things to happen in a long time.

Derby Days Are Here Again!

Have I mentioned I referee roller derby?  I'm sure I have *nudge nudge wink wink*.  I know I didn't post nearly enough in February...but between school and scrimmages...I've been swamped.  I've got a paper due in two weeks, will have 2 midterms that same week.  Then one more class added in the last 8 weeks. THEN GRADUATION!!!

But enough about that.  Derby.  Blood, sweat, tears, bruises, twists, breaks.  Derby.  This past weekend I reffed 5 bouts in less than 24 hours.  It would have been more but I hurt my ankle and knee after being way-layed by skaters in two different games. I got nothing on our head ref though, he now has THEE prettiest eggplant colored bruise that covers the majority of a butt cheek and partial thigh.  He was way-layed by skaters twice in the SAME bout and then by a chair in another.  In his defense, he was skating backwards..show-off!

Friday night's two bouts were for the Blacksnake Roller Girls in St. Joseph, MO.  It's my hometown, my papa and one of my four sisters showed up.  It was awesome to see them and great to get some time on skates before Saturday.

My Dad, Me and sis, Emily!

Saturday was opening day for Fountain City Roller Derby!!!  FIVE bouts at Hale Arena in Kansas City!  All of our teams played, concluding with a bout against Benton County Roller Derby from Arkansas!  As refs, we play every jam. No rest except for between periods and half-time.  So on a day with five bouts, it was kinda silly to ref two the night before, but I love it.  And FCRD loves us.  A special Zebra Den was put together for us with water, snacks and chairs.  It was glorious.

Thanks FCRD for the pic.

Oh look, you can see some of us arriving for our long day.  I spy One Hit Thunder, Aaron Grievances, Bitter Sweets, me and Hellbilly Delux.  I also think I spy Mr Roboto...

Thanks FCRD for the pic!

Today I ate a chocolate chip scone, coffee, PB&J sandwich, grapefruit, apple, cherry tomatoes, pumpkin chocolate chip muffin, Spicy Indian vegan burgers on bread.

Today I bought nothing (but I've bought so many other things since the last post: various subscription boxes, tent, air mattress, new derby pads, sweaters, shoes).

I Can See the Resemblance

My Uncle Rodney had piercing blue eyes.  So bright.  Much brighter than my own which tend towards gray more often than blue.  He was the younger brother of my Mamaw (grandma Dorothy) and our family resemblance is undeniable.

Mamaw Dorothy

Me

Uncle Rodney

Uncle Rodney died last week and such as is the fate of those who don't live in the same town, it was not known to me until last night.  My dad forgot to call until he saw three of my sisters at the visitation in the evening.  The funeral was this morning. Luckily, we had enough staff at work that I could leave and made it in time.  I was very glad that I was able to go, but I was sad that I wasn't able to sing for him.  When Mamaw died in 2001, I sang her favorite hymn at the funeral.  Uncle Rodney loved it and made me promise I would sing for him as well.  Unfortunately, due to the circumstances I was not able to.

I haven't seen him except for at mostly funerals since then and the last time was in August at my Aunt's.  He was so frail and wasn't sure who I was.  I didn't know this was because he had Alzheimer's.  My memories of him are of work he did at my grandmother's house..helping my dad put in a water heater; installing a bathroom on the first floor when she couldn't go upstairs easily anymore.  He looked so much like his sister that for awhile it really hurt, as well made me very happy, when I would see him after she died.

Today I ate an apple, cheese stick, coffee, corn casserole, green beans, macaroni salad, brownie, Sofritas burrito, 2 Jamaican ginger ales.

Today I bought a Buffy trade paperback, Laurell K Hamilton book on cd, TARDIS car magnet and a new knee support.